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Live. Love. And Let Die. In this continuous journey of life, What do we yearn for exactly? We are all like fireworks; we climb, shine and always go our separate ways and become further apart. Then even if that time comes, lets not disappear like a firework, and continue to shine, forever. / I wasn’t intent on monopolizing you; I just wanted you to need me / People always say how you only discover how precious something is only when you lose it, but I think, you only recognize it when you see it a second time face to face.
streets away look like eons.

i guess i was possessed when i asked you that question. why did i seriously bother when i knew. why. i guess deep down perhaps i was either waiting for you to confirm it or maybe hoping that i wasnt the case and it wasnt really it. But i guess in the end its the way i kinda thought it would have been. perhaps i thought time could have fixed the rift and all that, perhaps i thought that time would numb me and make me immobile to what i feel now. but i was so wrong eh.
i guess you wont probably even see this but then i wasnt lying back then. i probably didnt and you were one of the people i was most honest with. but i couldnt take down this mask of mine. a facade i put up to make myself strong, a many layered existence that i dont even see who i am inside, lying to myself then and everyone else. But i guess in the end it was me right. It couldnt havent been you coz it was always me. It'd been so long already but i dont know i seem to yearn for that little bit. i guess for all the stupid things i'd done before i wish to atone and probably do good but i know i wont be given the chance.
So you lied to him then. perhaps it just mere dellusion on my part. mere wishful thinking. i should have known it better. should have realised it easlier right.
With all the stupid and idiotic things i have done before i guess i think it was my fault then. is it mine this time too? guess u probably think i was like just attracting attention or blah like i used to do, guess nothing has changed. nothing. would u be comforting this kid for like just amusement or for the sake of just being nice to him. i kinda appreciate but i had enought. if u resented me that this should end here. I've done enough, made enough tries and attempts and all that to somehow close the rift. i was a driven person but i still am. but a year and a half later, i think all hasnt changed. you probably think i was out there to hurt you to do something bad like so many instances but yeah, i never had the intention to do so and what you might not have known the people around you did and they've just never told you. but yeah, it does seem that way doesnt it. And i'm just tired already. i kinda accepted the fact that nothing can be done about it, so i'll just leave this baggage here and leave now. making my exit away.
a mask that existed for so long and you might just have been one who crumbled it and watch it crumble. well i guess when things were going okay i kinda spoilt it again.
i dont know out of plain courtesy you dont reply what i asked or said but well it doesnt help.

i know you wont see this. coz you probably dont know that i even blog anyway. even if u did know and saw it, you might just choose to ignore it. but it kinda makes me feel better that i type it all out. easing my guilt? maybe.
I guess what hurts the most was being so close having so much to say, watching you walk away, never knowing, what could have been.