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Live. Love. And Let Die. In this continuous journey of life, What do we yearn for exactly? We are all like fireworks; we climb, shine and always go our separate ways and become further apart. Then even if that time comes, lets not disappear like a firework, and continue to shine, forever. / I wasn’t intent on monopolizing you; I just wanted you to need me / People always say how you only discover how precious something is only when you lose it, but I think, you only recognize it when you see it a second time face to face.
4/12

bleah i dont even know what the hell i am like blogging like on and off over all the things that happen to me and all the crap coz i dont even think people read it so whatthehell anyway though i seem to be kind of person who would post the things in which i want people to know and then blah blah whatever. i dont know, it seeems so chaotic these days. Anyway there was likethis itgetsbetter project in which you can like see on facebook and then it was like kinda inspiring and all the thing. i saw ryanjamesyezak's video on it (is that even his name anw -.-) he's gay! i think. yeah he is. but he's kinda coool okay! but he was like talking about the it gets better project and then i was like woah. okkkayyy! life gets bad and demoralizing but it gets better. Thats true i guess and hope so fir it to be. Speaking of youtube theres like the kurthugoschneider and then he's like the uber cool guy and he even played a song with like a handphone. ownagettm big time. and he kinda de producer of sam tsui whose voice is kinda mind blowing! ookkay thats just all de somewhat random stuff in which i kinda want to share.
and then back to my life i dont know what its always emo. crazy me or maybe i just post all de shit that happens to me on this blog. theres like a problem now but it isnt in my position to like comment and write about it. but i'd really like to clarify about something though i dont think he would see it. At open house i could only put 20 people and with huachong not going and amanda replacing last minute i really was full with manpower. even though ms lee said there was like not enough people so yeah. i defend myself. i didnt want to have the argument that day but it still happened. so yeah, i regret not being able to keeep my cool but at the same time i said all that i felt in a not so nice manner though. so yeah. sorry. but hey, its not really as if you would see this. so yeah, just nth more than a rant in that case.
Moving on is a bitch. She's like so incredibly bitchy that i was so like in a fuck off man mood after talking to her. I'm sorry for like making you do something that would have like taken you less than like 10 minutes and you go on blabbing to me about wrd? wth is that anw -.- but yeahi dont care? and then you said i complicate the whole system? no i aint got that kind of brains to do that. i was simplifying the whole thing by like making you guys in charge so that there is enough coordination through a clear leader which i admit i thought you were but u prove so much that you werent by blatantly claiming something like that. you are fucking ridiculous. I dont know what the hell he's sees in you and suddenly i kkinda that a feeling that all along we've been looking at a fake person and beneath all that nice exterior we have like an ultimate bitch. and yeah whatever if u see all of this. i dont neeed you to pity me, save it. but i aint the only person feeling it. i guess i dont even know what the fuck i am supposed to say to him when i meeet him the next time. act as if i dont knowing anything seems to be like the perfect answer to this whole equation but like i'm abandoning him so yeah. whatever, i seriously think we've all misjudged you.
moving on. i think i'm gonna be honest with myself today, moving off from a lie. I admit that i resented you for your post in which you got and for a moment i was kinda bad to you and deep within i disliked you yet i put on a fake smile when you're around. but after that night, those simple words somehow showed me how wrong i was, possibly. i admit i've always done the work and the stuff you wanted me to help you out with even that show that the other day was to prove my worth. I just wanted to show you guys before everyone else that i was something which could not be disposed off and that i was something that you all couldnt have. that was seriously the motivation which spurred me off after not hitting on the post. thats how low my self esteem is.and still is i guess.
that night, i know you wont see this but i really want to explain. that i kinda suddenly went off9 and all that was not cause of you but i really didnt wanna talk to you coz it seem to be like confirming what i didnt want to. i know i aint part of the clique already, it something that i knew and that i just didnt want to accept. like that day after open house and the incident you said. like who the hell doesnt know? yeah, at the point of time it all came so suddenly and like emotions overran me and blah so yeah. i aint a guy who would tell you that i was okay when i wasnt. chose not to lie to you that night and told you i would be fine eventually. i guess to till now i still am not. i wanted to empty it all out to you and everything but it seems like i couldnt or something. like the other time at the carnival. well you just somehow evoked some emotion within me or something. so yeah. i wonder.
then there was you who kinda responded to my smses for like an sos so damn quickly, i really just wanted to like talk to someone and you just came to my mind immediately but i actually really just wanted to talk to someone. so yeah, i like to thank him and her, guess they'll know who they are like if they see this post for being there constantly. so yeah.

A real friend is one who walks in when the whole world walks out.
..and you've walked your way in my life.